i never get tired of watching kaida and the numerous expressions that pass across her face every few seconds. it's as if you can truly see the wonder in her eyes when she encounters something new. and the concentration when she is exploring that new thing. and the alarm when this new thing does something unexpected. and the delight afterwards.

it is one of the things i truly love in young children.. that they never bother to hide behind masks, that they know what they feel and they let you know it as well.

after around two hours of working straight, i would emerge from our room and kaida would eagerly run towards me like she hasn't seen me in ages. and then she would give this Mighty Aru-like Frown™ whenever i have to go back to work.

in the morning, she would toss about indicating she was waking up - maybe breastfeed a bit more - and then would heave herself upwards and kiss mommy on the lips, then laugh and shimmy off the bed, look for my slippers and not her own, and then open the bedroom door (yes, she can do this now and it's giving us additional gray hairs) and run off with my her big slippers slapping on the floor waking up everyone in the house.

i fear the day when she'll begin hiding her feelings from her mother, hiding little secrets, feeling awkward with kissing or hugging her parents in public as most teenagers are wont to do.. although i do hope to be able to bring her up right, such that she learns the strength that comes with the open expression of love.

i can teach her this, but i cannot control what the rest of the world teaches her. who knows if someday somebody will hurt her enough, such that it gets implanted in her brain and in her heart that she must guard her feelings because this makes her vulnerable?

and living in a tired world wherein everyone must adopt the sophisticated 'been there, done that' attitude! somebody please prevent me from knocking these people in the head with a feeding bottle.

i would so dearly want to shield my daughter from such people and circumstances, but alas, it would also be detrimental for her not to learn these things by personal experience. she would need to know how it is to be hurt, and the only thing i can truly do is teach her how to rise above the pain.

it is a gut-wrenching thought for a mother. one can only do what one can. this seems like bullshit for one who can be a control freak. (i can't help but laugh at myself at this point. XD)

for now, i make the times count. i really don't want to get ahead of myself by thinking these thoughts now that she's still a baby, but it's these thoughts that make me truly appreciate every single moment of her young life.

meme nabbed from lethologica.

i love being bored. no pressing issues whatsoever. ♥


1. Are you a child of the 70s, 80s, or 90s?
i suppose 90s. ._. i'm surpised sometimes that there are a lot of things in the 90s that i missed, though.

2. Where were you born?
Tondo, Manila. XD

3. What kind of home did you grow up in?
odd in that rockstar way. :P our family's very close, though. wouldn't have wanted to have any other kind of home environment. ♥

4. Did you enjoy your childhood?
i did. ^^ i was an outdoorsy kid, playing piko and tumbang preso and all that jazz. didn't watch tv too much, only kuya moxitus' video games. XD

5. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
i wanted to be a lot of things. @_@ but there was this time i settled for being a teacher. o.O

6. What do you want to be now?
when i was in college i wanted to be a biology professor, but biology did not cooperate. rofl.

7. What was your first best friend's name?
i think it was Kim Ballesteros. we used to get a kick out of the fact that we had (more or less) the same name, and even our mothers had the same name as well.

8. Is she still your friend?
no, we drifted apart after our old house burned down and we had to move to a different place. even if we were still going to the same school we didn't have the chance to keep in touch because she was (i think) a batch lower than i was.

9. Can you name all the schools you ever attended?
for the life of me, i do not know the spelling of my nursery school. it was Lieve Deheigher or something? it was inside a subdivision along Araneta Ave.

from prep up until high school i was a student of St. Theresa's College, Q.C. (pure bred catholic school girl! XD) and then University of the Philippines, Diliman during college and my life was destroyed. LOL. kidding. :P

10. Were you closer to your mom or dad as a kid?
i think my dad because he spoiled us all. lol! my mom was a rather strict disciplinarian and was very ilocano in that she always lectured about saving money. XD they were quite a contrast, my mom and dad. ^^;; now, though, i think i'm closer to my mom.

11. What was the first record, tape or CD you remember buying?
i think it was Razorback's first album which i bought as a birthday gift for kuya.

12. How old is a good age to have kids?
late 20s, i think. i was a bit early, though. XD

13. Were you scared of anything?
there was a time when i could only sleep if the lights were on. now i can only sleep if the lights are off. XD

14. What was your favourite class in elementary school?
i liked them all, after all, i was am a geek. XP

15. Did you buy school lunch or bring your own?
mostly everyone brought lunch during elementary, except for a few who had a special permit to eat at the cafeteria. elementary lunch time was spent inside the classroom with everyone taking out lunch boxes and eating under the supervision of the home room teacher.

during high school, though, lunch times were spent outside, and you were given the liberty to choose between bringing box lunches or buying at the cafeteria. you could eat anywhere within the school grounds except inside the classrooms.

16. Broken any bones or had any freaky accidents as a kid?
when i was toddler, my arm was jolted by my yaya and dislocated my elbow. i wouldn't stop crying, so the doctor snapped my elbow joint back in and i shut up. lol.

oh, there was also this time when my mom said i climbed on top of the piano and jumped. ._. was taken to the doctor for a head check-up 'cause i hit my head on the floor. this accident could have been the root of all subsequent weird behaviour. LOL.

17. Were you a mean kid?
i don't honestly recall. there was this one time though, that i got so annoyed with my classmate i hit her over the top of the head with my lunch box. O_O

18. Favourite board game of all time?
Cluedo! :D

19. Did you play house or pretend to be a super hero?
playing house? of course! i even had this tent/playhouse and plastic swimming pool. i don't recall pretending to be a superhero, though.

20. Seriously, are you still just a kid at heart?
i am. most recently the kid inside me is clamoring to be free from responsibilities, though. i want to just play and play. D: lol.


i read through my answers and worry for kaida's sake. ROFL.

posting randomly.

i guess i'm generally in an odd mood. the onset of october always makes me feel a little giddy with building excitement for my day at the end of the month. haha i guess i'm always like that with special days.

however, recent turbulent events throw in a negative vibe to building excitement, resulting in a rather odd mix of plain ngslkdrhtskksdjfhtgkwenrg.

..i feel restless. i feel as if there this grand canyon-sized gap that i have to jump across to get to something.. and i don't know what that something is. forgive the rather lame attempt at waxing poetic, i guess i just don't know how to describe this feeling. XD

( where do i start this rather long rambling discussion/rant/general wth? )

a few memes. i've been a very good girl so i'm indulging. ._.

( UP meme )
( i have lived through 106 of these 158 things. )